4th & Dragon : Dungeons and Dragons...and stuff

andrewk - 11 September 2008 12:53 PM

I just watched batman recently and when the Joker says “everything burns” I had an image of a juggernaut warforged jumping in and punching him and saying, “I don’t!”

lol^

well now I have this image stuck in my head

A gully dwarf, reporting what happened to a PC elf that had died and been left behind in their territory:

“Elf?  No elf!  There was . . . some meat.”

Without a doubt, the best one-liner in our group is a one-worder...and it’s one that gets repeated on a number of occasions.

“BAAAAAAAAAAG!”

Of course, the story behind it makes it all make sense.

Our intreped band of adventurers (at the time, only two) were making their way through a narrow ravine when they came across a trio of ogres.  The leader of the ogrish band fancied himself a “smart” ogre, and attempted to exact a toll from the PCs, much as he had done in the past.

“You pay, or me crush your head!”

“ok...”

“But not your bag.  You fill MY bag!” (Ogre tosses bag out onto the ground).

“yeah, fine.”

PC #1 takes bag, proceeds to start dumping spare coppers and silvers into it.  Bag fails to fill up in a timely manner.

“You see, me smart!  Now you FILL bag!” (PCs realize that it’s a Bag of Holding).

PCs look at each other, and grin.  PC #2 (mage) casts Invisibility on PC #1. 

One initiative roll later, and PC #2 casts Invisibility again, upon himself.  PCs retreat quietly.

“You keep money...just give back back!”

“Give Bag Back?”

“GIVE BAG BACK!”

“BAAAAAAAAAAG!”

First time I ever played I was a kender thief in 2nd edition.  I was going to the library to get the wizard of our party to get a move on because I was tired of town stuff.  I met a town guard along the way who was pleasant enough.  He even asked me to climb the wall o the city for sport.  So I did (there was even a nice little skill i had that gave me 65% chance of success - gotta love 2e)

I climbed back down and he slapped me irons and said.

“Only thieves can climb walls.”

My DM was absolutely serious about me being arrested… I damn near quit the game right there.

Kender are often arrested just for being kender.  They look it at as a game.  Never heard of such a pouty kender!

SPQR Anarchy - 18 September 2008 10:09 PM

First time I ever played I was a kender thief in 2nd edition.  I was going to the library to get the wizard of our party to get a move on because I was tired of town stuff.  I met a town guard along the way who was pleasant enough.  He even asked me to climb the wall o the city for sport.  So I did (there was even a nice little skill i had that gave me 65% chance of success - gotta love 2e)

I climbed back down and he slapped me irons and said.

“Only thieves can climb walls.”

My DM was absolutely serious about me being arrested… I damn near quit the game right there.

Ouch, that sucks out loud SPQR

I like Andorax’s old signature.  Post that, Andorax. :D

Melgore Fellfist, dwarf cleric: “We can do anything we set our hearts to!”

DM: “You’re like a bad disney movie with a huge beard.”

In one campaign that was just plain rediculous, I had a githyanki swashbuckler and a human ninja in the same party.  The Githyanki was good at swordplay, but he had a wisdom score of 6, so his player played him as being so egotistical that he completely missed the point on everything.  The ninja was just a silent killer who would pretend to be a nobody.
They get attacked by yuan-ti slavers that try to sneak up on them, but the ninja spots them.  The yuan-ti halfblood lashes out to bite the githyanki, but ninja gets initiative, rolls critical, rolls maximum damage and cuts its head off, slipping his sword back into it’s hidden sheath before the githyanki sees it.  The githyanki draws his sword in the next round and sees the creature’s head lying on the ground and two purebloods retreating.

Githyanki: “Wow.  I’m more kickass than I thought.”

I just got through watching The Gamers: Dorkness Rising and it has some great lines in it. Two of my favorites:

“How much XP do I get for the farmer?”

“Do you think killing the bard impresses us?”

OK, you’ll probably have to see the movie to understand why these are so funny.

"Could you point me to the half-orc district?”

Mash, half-orc sword-wielding barbarian with 6 intelligence

Who opened a can of worms?.... You.

http://brokengaming.com/

My groups website full of quotes and the like.

Some choice (different games):

“I just leveled the playing field in my favour.”—Ken

“… I hit twice with the dagger. 96 damage and make two fort saves each difficulty 58.”—Wil
“...”—Ken
“What are you doing?”—Wil
“Trying to think of a way out of this.”—Ken

“He calls him oddly dressed and there’s a shirtless luchador standing next to me.” --Sage (Luna)

“And one for the road!  *glorp* And one more for the road!  *glorp* And one for that bridge I crossed!  *glorp* And one… for alcoholics!  *glorp*”—Helm (yes, that Helm.  Npc’d, drinkin’)

FUNGOR! FUNGOR!
Fungor was an owl.
Or maybe, he was a plant owl.
Or maybe he was just a plant.
But he was still FUNGOR! FUNGOR!
Moldinating the countryside
Moldinating the peasants
Moldinating all the people
And the thatched roof cottages!
THATCHED ROOF COTTAGES!
And the Fungor comes in the NIGHT!—Group Effort

Don’t I get a saving thr-ow?—Joe
A saving Thoreau? It’s a saving transendentalist author?—Luna

It’s a normal brass trap… I mean fountain.—Ken

What language is it?—Ed
It’s Dwarfelven...a…—Ken

Three times bidet.—Ken, with DM Mouth

“From my experience with sixteen year old girls...”—Ray (Ken)
“That’s disgusting.”—Delilah (Esh)

“He calls him oddly dressed and there’s a shirtless luchador standing next to me.” --Sage (Luna)

*Jacer has been reincarnated in a female body*
“I need to go back to camp.”—Jacer (Fox)
“I think she wants to explore herself.”—Sage (Luna)
“You can have your menses later.”—Elgren (Bailey)
“Laurel! I won’t stop bleeding! What have you done?!”—Jacer (Fox)
“Put a towel in there!”—Laurel (Doug)
“Oh got, it won’t stop!”—Jacer (Fox)
“Put a turnicate on it!”—Laurel (Doug)
“I think the Reincarnate’s wearing off!”—Jacer (Fox)

“He’s kinda misty.”—Ken
“Like the gym leader.”—Eoj
“Oh God, then he’s wearing hot pants!”—Luna
“And we owe him a bike!”—Fox

“England is awesome.”—Luna
“It’s the only one in Europe.”—Joe
“That’s true, there is only one England in Europe.”—Luna
“We have one here, but it’s newer.”—Fox

“Disrobe.”—Miss Lavender (Luna)
“Oh God!  Squid bewbz!”—Eoj
*everybody dies laughing*

“That was for your own good.  And hilarious.”—Ken

Alright here’s a horrible one.
The party wizard Rodrick had cast his spell Rodrick’s cunning barrage a spell that creates a bunch of random magic objects that each have their own effects. He won’t know which object it is until he pulls the glowing orb out of the air.

So when he pulled his first object it was a pink flower, useless for any offensive purposes so he hands it to my psion.
She (being a girl)takes it and puts it in her hair, granting a +4 enchantment bonus to charisma for 1 hour.
The DM then says.
“Ayame is now more attractive and you all feel sick because she’s 12”

I had an NPC Gnome Bard that was fond of the party female Elven Warlock (back in 3.5) who once said.

“Hey baby. Once you go Gnome you’ll never want to go home! (insert Quagmire “Giggidy, giggidy, gig-gi-dy Yeah!” laugh)

I think I stole the first quote (or at least a similar idea) from this community at one time, but the entire session turned out to be hilarious.